Salesman (satire)

Ding Dong. “Hello Mrs. Johnson, I am here to give you the one thing that you’ve been missing; the one thing that will complete you’re empty life; the one thing that will make your world a better place.” Now, let’s be honest, those words sound pretty convincing. Right about mow Mrs. Johnson is pretty lit up, anxious to know what it is this man in the pressed khakis, argyle sweater and overgrown mustache has to offer, but when he whips out an incredibly ugly dessert plate, complete with miniature peacocks along the edges, Mrs. Johnson is ready to go back to her baking like a good house wife. Disappointed by the plate that is now ruining her day, just by its presence, she insists on explaining that she is not interested, but Mr. Persistent isn’t ready to move on to the next house. “But they’re rare antiques. They may not be worth much now, but one day they’ll be worth more than a shiny penny,” the salesman continues while the door is still open. That overgrown mustache is beginning to look like a mammoth to Mrs. Johnson. “If only you’d give me a moment of your time, you would realize what an opportunity this is.” At this point, all she wants to do is slam the door, but knowing that he will never give up, Mrs. Johnson agrees to let him in, but only for a moment.
As they sit on the very expensive couches in the Johnson living room, the salesman begins to pull out more hideous plates from his turquoise side bag, while reminding her how valuable the plates really are. “Birds are the new style. Every home in...” What is that!? The evidence that this man had something green for lunch is apparent in his teeth. Once again Mrs. Johnson tries to politely explain that she has plenty of dessert plays that she’s rather fond of, but the salesman clearly doesn’t hear her when he begins to tell her he is earning money to go to school. Mrs. Johnson thought it strange that a man that was at least 45, was planning to go back to school, but not wanting to press the matter, she just slightly smiled, and it was all downhill from there.
About an hour later, Mrs. Johnson knew way too much about this man. Everything from the divorce of his parents, to his wife leaving with all three of his children, to the fact that he ate broccoli and cheese for lunch almost every day. “Why didn’t I go shopping today?” Thought Mrs. Johnson as she stood in the doorway waving goodbye to Mr. Benjamin Scott Knightman, and holding her new “worthwhile” plates that would only cost her six complete payments of $19.95.

462 words